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If a man has slept with another man, is he gay?
I have come across guys who get intimate with other guys but say they are neither gay nor bi. Basically i would like to know and hear different views as to what is the deciding factor.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Francis Daniel Bourgeois on -
or maby pansexual ?
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Permalink Reply by Dante on -
I have had intimate sexual relations with friends that are either married or have girlfirends. Some of them were a one time situation and some of them have occured more than once, either way our friendships have resulted in a more honest and trusting relationship. These men I feel are not gay and say they are not bi and have not had sex with any other man except me so I personally believe that it's just a mutual feeling that me and that individual share between us. I do have some really close friendships that are awesome. Most people do not want to label themselves sexually, it's a total individual thing depending on the friendship.
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Permalink Reply by Maestro on -
Gay, bi and straight are all socio-sexual identities and not orientations. Strudies have shown that a significant number of men who self identify as straight still occasionally have sex with men and a significant number of men who self identify as gay still occasionally have sex with women. The issue is not about who one has sex with bu how one socially identifies himself.
The old 'drop in the bucket' theory is just not realistic.
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Permalink Reply by Nippy on -
oh hell no...it's just a simple matter of fact that he had to get off and didn't want to do it by himself, nothing major
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Permalink Reply by Bossespy on -
you can look at it in may aspect, but in todays world it's all about sex. Being Gay or Straight or Bi really doesn't matter any more
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Permalink Reply by Dave on -
Your gay if you identify as gay. I drink alcohol but I do not identify as an alcoholic.
Gay is really a lifestyle choice now days.
If you only live with other gays and work with other gays, are active in a gay community and go to gay venues and clubs then you might just be gay.
Who you have sex with doesn't make you gay or straight.
I know a guy who doesn't have sex with guys but he is soooo gay, he goes to gay clubs, most of his friends are gay. he gets hit on all the time by guys. He has tried it but it doesn't work for him. So he is fem and acts gay but does that make him gay?
We have too many boxes as it is. And once you do identify as gay there are even more boxes in boxes.....
straight acting, fem, top, bottom, versatile, butch, curious, cut or uncut, buff, chubby, twink, master. then there is the cock size thing.
HELP ME!
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Permalink Reply by Gary Fox on -
not nessicarely a guy may find himself in a situation where he has to sleep with another man (i.e. a bet or a der)
but sometime straight men get so drunk that they don't really know what is happening to them
or as some one else as already stated he may just be experimenting.
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Permalink Reply by Angus on -
Sometimes its an "animal" thing. Guys drinking, one thing leads to another......
I'm gay, and comfortable with it. If someone hits on me thats straight or gay, what ever.
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Permalink Reply by Brendon on -
I should not say that hes gay ,but most of the time those boys cannot get girlfriends and now they ur desperate and then they step over to do gays
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Permalink Reply by Dominic-Myles on -
Hi. Everyone has there own sexuality, it is what you like not what you should like, or what other people like. Alongside this you get to choose what your called too! There are men who are straight, gay, transexual, bisexual, queer, questionning or just men that sleep with men. Its everyones freedom to choose for themselves - screw society - enjoy sex! x
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Permalink Reply by Levi on -
... Just to throw some spanners in the works... As Peter said, many Heterosexual identifying men have sex with other men in public toilets.
What about prisons? I believe the men in there are definitely heterosexual identifying. However, for some desperation leads to homosexual acts.
I don't believe its because they are attracted to men, but rather attracted to 'sex' itself... Then overtime they might develop a physical attraction to the partners (men).
Perhaps over time, it may change their psyche in such a way that when they get out of prison they do begin to identify as gay because its all they've known for the last say 20 years.
I am gay, but do not believe this is due to desperation at all... So I guess it partly comes down to that question of the notorious 'gay gene'.
Once another gay man descibed it to me like this; being gay is like a finished cake. There is no single ingredient or factor which makes the cake, not the flour, not the sugar, not the chocolate... not the oven.
Its the mixture of all these things that makes a product which cannot be changed back.
But then again, this explanation does not exactly cater for Bi men... or those who are 'fluid' (that is, their orientation changes).
So I say this;
Be who you are.
Like what you like, not because of a label, but because you do like it.
If a word such as "gay" or "bi" or "straight" best describes or embodies your personality/sociality then go with it and wear it with pride... but don't be afraid to try something different if you think you just might like it.
But most of all, be accepting of others for who they are and whatever they like.
Its not about what society says you should like, but what you like.
Its not about who society says you should be, but who you are.
Classifications and labels are just that.... they can't be applied to the deep complexity of one's sexuality and personality, and should be taken as a generalisation.
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